Conversations about a Heartbreak.

Go have a fling. 

Said her father seeing her breakdown for the 3rd time in a row.

Go buy a laptop.

Said her father seeing her cringe at the earlier inappropriate suggestion.

Go to Tibet. Meet Dalai Lama.

Said her father seeing her hibernate in that dimly lit room with their ever so loyal dog strung around her foot.

He shared the story of his heartbreak. How it took eternity for him to let go off his love of 20 years. Her mother, his wife. 

She felt stupid for crying over the 16 months with the guy in ? Real Stupid, STUPID stupid.

Enter, Mother.

Do you think he's found someone else?

 Said her mother, playing detective.

All guys are assholes.

Mother was thinking aloud now.

Just hit the gym, eat cake, stop being blue instead colour your hair blue, learn to drive, steal my car and move on. Just don't have sex. Or drink or smoke. 

Daughter wanted the earth beneath her to split open and swallow her before she could hear something like that from her mother. For the 247th time.

Her sister, well, being the human like alien she was, advised her to shut down all kinds of mental processes for a bit. She advised her to go to sleep everytime she thought about him. Safest Escape.

Her best friend, lets call her R-Pill,was talking to her from a city far far away and said a lot of things half of which she doesn't remember. Mostly, unholy things about the guy in ? . She wasn't ready to accept those  just yet.

Her guy friend, lets call him Massaman Curry, said fuck all that and lets talk about food. 

He'd been through the same ordeal a few months ago and got into a rebound relationship with food.

She think he's cheating on food with music though.

Her other guy friend, lets call him Vincent Chase, who she'd met for coffee convinced her to go the bar instead and drink away her first heartbreak. 30 ml down.Feeling a High and Low at the same time.

He told her that he'd never seen her so weak before. He also said that the guy in ? wasn't the cause, but it was her-assuming-self. Maybe he was right.

Now she sits in this December heat making the worst mistake.

Listening to Eddie Vedder sing to her;

On the dry and dusty road
The nights we spend apart alone
I need to get back home to cool cool rain
I can't sleep and I lay and I think
The night is hot and black as ink
Wooh God, I need a drink of cool cool rain

Love, reign o'er me
Reign o'er me, o'er me
Love, reign o'er me
Rain on me

She realizes that this isn't going to help and changes the track to Beyonce's Irreplaceable.

I hate young teens who think that having a relationship, that ties them down in due process, is God's gift to humanity. I hate that she's even more miserable than the Hindi soap bahus who sleep fully dressed in silk sarees, make up and other articles of adornment.

I'm angry now.

So I'm going to stop talking about her for a bit and tell you how awesome MY life has been.

To be continued...

Disconnection.

No matter how much you try to ignore the fact that you are an emotional being, it will come back to bite you in your barefaced behind. Just like Karma. Trust me on this.

You may have different ways of evading these extreme emotions..Like few people I know well enough to describe,they drink until they are driven to permanent brain damage, closer to impotence or infertility,they eat until they can suppress the emotion back to where it came from, they shop until the only emotion they ever feel after that is hysteria which is guaranteed with the huge bills, some go on this mope overdrive, some watch Quentin Tarantino flicks which always have that vengeful kickass character they've enacted several times in front of the mirror or you might as well smear red, white and black paint on your face and ask yourself  " Why the fuck so serious?"

Either way, you'll be back to where you started from.

The question I'm asking myself is, how do you deal with yourself at that moment? Bottle it all up inside somewhere or search for the most convenient outlet?

Disconnection. Most frequently.

I can't deal with it! When you have been soo close to a person, shared some of your best moments and memories at one point of time you cant really lie to yourself about the emotional distance you feel after it all.

In my case, there isn't any reason in particular besides the usual unreasonable and pointless fights. So what really happened? Nothing. Growing up happened. Egos happened. Boyfriends and girlfriends happened. Careers, well, I hope they eventually do happen. 

I made a few phone calls today. I said a few 'I miss you's today. I said many 'Thank you's today. 

Because in the back of my head I know that we may never be able to share times like that again but in the end, that is what makes it soo beautiful. The thought of it being mortal yet immortal.

                                         

I see him, talk to him, eat with him on most days and still feel a disconnection.Like we are mentally present in a different time and space. This feeling is unbearably disturbing sometimes and sometimes I don't bother and go back to being indifferent. How and Why? I can't put a finger on it. But this is how much I care for the bond and there isn't more that there is to it.

So this is it, this is me making the phone call I could've made earlier. I'm hoping the transmitter and receiver in question are free of any other unimportant engagements 'cause this is important. The media isn't microwaves, fiber optics, orbiting satellites, hydraulic semaphore systems or for that matter any other scientific term that I studied about in physics. It's beyond all this. 

So I've dialled the number now and luckily there is no surge of regret.Yet.

Okay.He's answered my call. Got to go.

Can I get back to you on this?! 

Or Maybe Not. 

:) ;)

P.S :                      "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."

Achilles to Briseis - Troy

I Miss my Dabba

Disclaimer: This post is NOT a Review for the following mentioned work of art. Its just what I thought, experienced and and took away from the tiny,private theatre. 

I delayed this by a day. I should have written about this the moment I returned home on the night of 11th May 2011. Better late than never.
So anyway, Coochie, Viren ,Myself and a big group of hyperactive (more than usual, now that I recall!) kids were given the privilege of watching a special preview of the movie Stanley Ka Dabba.
Not being used to shutterbug lights blinding us and the filmy entrances , the three of us felt like aliens before we became comfortable in our own skins. The director Amole Gupte, I must mention, has the most intimidating personality and looked like he was angry with us for some reason : \ .Nonetheless, we were more interested in the movie than anything else. (okay maybe I'm not completely honest here... I was really interested in analyzing some immensely self consumed freaks around us and also few kids were downright subnormal) So the movie began with all of us well tucked in our seats,not knowing what to expect.

Those who know me are aware of my love for cinema and also how difficult it is for me to like a film. This is one movie that should be made mandatory study material for all teachers in primary schools.I'd say the movie was GOOD. REAL GOOD.

The film kicks off with this Tom and Jerry inspired animation which in a way or two establishes the theme of the film blending in smoothly with the title.

Stanley (Partho) is instantly identified as the likable young protagonist. He is bursting with talent and that X factor that I find missing in most film actors especially child artistes. His whole gang from Std. 4 C is like a blast from everyone's past.
Everyone who has ever been a part of primary school classroom will almost naturally relate all these amazingly defined characters to someone they've known.

Aman Mehra, the chubby pudding has the biggest dabba of them all. Also the biggest heart to share it with all his gang members. Abhishek,the loyal friend who trusts Stanley's talent, is one firecracker of a performer. What authentic casting!!

The teachers are all caricatures of what we all have experienced at some time in our lives. Divya Dutta and Divya Jagdale are complete delights to watch. Every shot with them in frame have more expressions than Deepika, Sonam or Katrina could ever contort their faces into.

Babubhai Verma (Amol Gupte himself) is hilarious as the bumbling and mumbling Hindi teacher. His love for food is completely understood by the food lover in me...

Anyhow.. What cements this movies value in the Indian film industry amidst the garbage that mostly comes to our cinemas every friday is the fact that the writer spectacularly uses Stanley's missing dabba as a unique metaphor for his life and the story behind it all.
The detailed screenplay, characterization and story structure makes complete sense in the end of the movie. Somewhere midway I did feel the movie lacked the pace it started off with and Raj Zutshi, as talented as him,was a little underused.

All in all, the movie appealed to children and adults and broke through the stereotypical concept of it being a children's movie. You need that extra sensitivity to understand the purpose of the film. Those who loved the likes of Dum Maaro Dum, Dabbang or Housefull should stay away.

Those who are looking for refreshing performances and good storytelling,this one's for you guys. Our very own Little Mr. Sunshine. 

What's the plan? o.O

So I while I sit her patiently, wait for this throbbing shoulder pain to evaporate, I realize typing on this keyboard won't help my cause.... Regardless, I shall write through this night.

Plans Never Helped Me. I hope they've been kind enough to you folks.
But me? We prefer lying on the two ends of the spectrum.
 You can't blame the innocent offspring of a mother who got married at 18 and a father who ran off from his hometown to become an actor in the 90's. You will observe no possible sense of planning in these decisions.
I haven't really taken those kind of risks. Yet. But I know for a fact that what I did yesterday has no relevance to what I did today and what I am doing at this moment may or may not be relevant tomorrow. I get the 'Go with the Flow' idea better.

What I don't get is how SO MANY friends my age have this perfect structured plan of how they will give these 1293382030 number of entrance exams and somehow they may or may not secure a seat in one of these "Educational institutes" and then get the perfect job they've ever wished for and earn enough money to eventually reproduce their clones and see history repeat itself all over again.

Its all in front of me...The way they think, it is the way their parents have programmed them to... And they don't even know it yet. The plan already bores the fuck out of me. Imagine living the plan!?!

Maybe I'm a little envious of them all... for knowing what they want, for having a fixed goal to chase after and not being distracted by the world in all its grime and glory.Maybe all this mindless banter is just another disguised way of convincing myself that this year isn't going to be such a risque drag after all ....or maybe it will be just that.

Yes, you heard right. I've decided to skip this year of college. Is it the genetic programming or just natural instinct that's directing me towards this decision? Well, I don't know.

But I do know one thing and that is the last two years have been shorter than all the previous years that I have ever lived.. It took me a train ride from Malad to Churchgate and back and I was done with my junior college or whatever that blur was called.Something was amiss. Majorly Amiss.

I held my mom's attention for a long time when I told her this... also my dad's...on different occasions.

And somewhere,beyond all the practical mentality that told them I may be going a little off the common track and not doing the expected, they gladly agreed to give me the freedom to make my own choices. Good or Bad? That's for me to decide.

So now whenever I have relatives, friends or friend's parents ask me with eerily ballooning eyes ..

What's the plan?

I say I don't have one and just hope it makes sense to them. 

They probably will think how today's generation is so unambitious,misled, confused or plain lazy. 

Surprisingly, their looks and the thoughts behind them don't unnerve me anymore. Its like I've made peace with myself and the fact that society doesn't really figure in my life at the moment.

In my mind I've already imagined myself backpacking to Ladakh, camping a stone's throw away from the Pangong Lake while some of them here slowly but unknowingly kill themselves with monotony and pollution.

Travelling, singing, reading and grooming myself for what lies ahead of my 18th year... and I hope I finally am able to find my Dog a girlfriend, So he won't feel lonely anymore. 

So I am taking some time off.... My 18th year... Hoping this blog will help me maintain the Narcissistic Pig within me. :p

Inspiration, Motivation, Happy people,Shoes,Stationery,Peace, Some golf courses maybe... at the moment I want some juicy Mangoes.

Ladakh- For Shizz yo! :D

P.s : If you're happy and you know it clap your hands.

        *clap clap* To my first post!