I'm sure you have a set of custom-made, tried and tested mechanisms to fight the seven evil super hero exes of your respective Boyfriend/Girlfriend. For those other than the likes of Scott Pilgrim, there are perils at hand that are less interesting but of equal importance and urgency. What is of utmost importance for us inferior carbon based life forms is that we must never fully be aware of the fact that we are probably the worst thing that could happen to this planet. It really defeats the purpose of waking up on a Monday morning. Well, any fucking morning for that matter.
So here is Dee's Mechanism propounded to basically evade feelings of hopelessness in a world that runs on laughable hopefulness:
Reckless amounts of Masala Chai:
There are mornings when you can't possibly piece together the absurd sequence of your dream, you're trying hard but you can't. Its like a fucking Bermuda triangle of thoughts up there while you're sleeping. You know that you're thinking of something, seeing what it looks like and what it feels like and within moments it's memory spirals into nothing. It's your mind's in-built shredding machine at work. When you finally wake up...you actually understand what the proverbial Dimaag ki Dahi feels like.
Those mornings I call Blah Mornings. For such biological whiplash the most fitting revenge is a perfect cup of Masala Chai or even Coffee. Just the right amount of spices, strength and heat calms the frazzled nerves and magically makes you believe that you're either a supreme brain or an invisible ninja and not full of crap after all. It will jolt you in a direction to help you get on or get off. Either way, its a win-win.
Find what works for you better; Coffee or Chai and believe in its power. Consumption should be limited to twice a day for it could be too much of a good thing.
Just kidding, no one really cares if you die of a Caffeine overdoes.
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On my recent trip to Kolkata, I found some Kolkettles.
On my recent conquest of the gym, dance routine and driver's seat.. I discovered that my mind is as terribly handicapped as it is overwhelmingly awesome. In my initial gym sessions, my trainer almost exploded with laughter when I showed her my version of a full squat. An hour and half later when she finally regained control of herself, she told me that I couldn't get my mind and body to work together. Same with my dance and driving lessons...I understood and grasped everything that was being taught to me but just couldn't reproduce efficiently. That again, was my mind reminding me that I was actually full of crap.
It is moments like these that you doubt your capabilities, which is better than being completely ignorant about them, but still can be counterproductive to whatever little attempts you make.
Your mind may produce the most amazing revolutionary ideas or creative revenge theories... but they are zilch in value if your body doesn't co-operate to execute them.
Do this, I say. Go buy the best looking piece of cake and keep it front of you. No matter how inviting that wonder may look... you will tell yourself this- "Everything you've ever heard about cake is a lie. Its the reason of that double chin and those triple tyres you have. Don't."
If you succeed, you're not that hopeless after all.
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P.S: Since the Gym fiasco, I have now learnt how to do a perfect set of full squats and have also successfully lost about a couple of kgs. Just saying..
Building of a Fortress:
And not just any fortress, Fortress of Solitude. I mean we all want to feel like Superman with an exclusive Arctic retreat and a best friend like Batman, right?
Too many times we allow a certain amount of insignificant eddies to affect us in ways we can't seem to control. These insignificant eddies could be anyone/thing ranging from an ex-best friend, family member, Facebook, a social jihadist who drops in on your life as and when he/she wishes to, people who think they know it all but obviously don't, your blast from the past with a cyclops-like present or even ministers watching porn. What they do or say may or may not be directly aimed at hurting us but you being an egoistic cretin will not let go off a chance to feel offended, mortified or humiliated. We've programmed ourselves to like being in pain because its inevitable.
So speaking out of a little experience, here's what you do to cut out all the things that bring you down without sound reason.
Build a Fortress out of things that you love and you know that they love you back. Take a few kgs of the faithful cake enough to form the triangular base and bury strong pillars deep into it. Cut off connection with people and even the virtual world for a bit. Some may think you're socially incapable of being self-sufficient and need to be around people at all times, that's not true. Stop analyzing yourself... Sleep through it. The cylindrical white crystals are what your dreams look like. Let them shield you from the madness around you. They will drive you to where you need to be, with the people you need to be with.
You don't always need to be a part of that never ending party that looks inviting but is really just a false promise... Its really when you are outside, looking at the ensuing frenzy through the glass, do you realize how stupid most of them look dancing to silence in their shiny disguise.
And still, if you happen to enter that party, make sure you don't let anything affect you. Trust me, it is soo much fun being invincible like Superman (even if its just in you head).
Wearing Horse Blinkers :
Have you wanted to be a Trapeze artist, a Crocodile wrangler, Fortune cookie writer and Vincent Vega all in the same lifetime? Me Neither.
I want to be all of that before I turn 40.
It may not be wise to diagnose myself with Multiple personality disorder without qualification but maybe its the detection of Iwishtobeeverything disease. My mother prescribes the best cure for people with reckless ambition such as mine; Horse Blinkers.
When we try focusing to many things all we see is a psychedelic blur, like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
And losing myself in those myriad possibilities is super duper fun for a bit but then reality hits you hard in that space between your eyes.
So to battle the distress reality assaults us with daily, wear horse blinkers.Contrary to popular belief, they don't hinder your vision of the bigger picture instead they help your GPS system to avoid the cumbersome re-evaluation of distance from your destination. And now, what with fuel prices shooting up like never before, the Horse Blinker shall deliver us from all our unwanted detours.
Remember to take them off while sleeping, for that's when it is completely okay to want to be a Trapeze artist, a Crocodile wrangler, Fortune cookie writer and Vincent Vega in the same dream.
P.S: The idea of Horse Blinkers is highly subjective. Usage has resulted in dwindling results.
Sachin Tendulkar used it and so did the two below. Be wise.
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Leaving behind Bootprints:
I cannot stress enough on how important it is to have good great footwear on at all times. For me, my shoes are as important as people I value. I share relationships with each pair for they have been with me through highs and lows of not only roads but also my tumultuous adolescence.
I may get infatuated with a couple of classy gladiators or flip-flops now and then but BOOTS will ALWAYS be my one and only love. They deserve a separate blog post altogether.
For now, let me say this, no one will ever stand for you the way your feet will. You make them feel protected with a nice, snug pair of boots and they will in return make you feel invincible. That's what all successful relationships are about, I guess.
With your boots on, supreme confidence will shine through you and the bad ass boot prints you leave behind wherever you go will negate all the stupidity you did whilst you were there.
In the face of extreme adversity, put on your trusted pair of boots and run. Run for your life and leave behind Boot prints. Like a Boss.
Please feel free to add to this list, if and when something comes up in that twisted mind of yours.
For now, Imma scoot. Watching Kahaani in a bit... will come back and write about it.
Monstrous amounts of love,
D.
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