Disconnection.

No matter how much you try to ignore the fact that you are an emotional being, it will come back to bite you in your barefaced behind. Just like Karma. Trust me on this.

You may have different ways of evading these extreme emotions..Like few people I know well enough to describe,they drink until they are driven to permanent brain damage, closer to impotence or infertility,they eat until they can suppress the emotion back to where it came from, they shop until the only emotion they ever feel after that is hysteria which is guaranteed with the huge bills, some go on this mope overdrive, some watch Quentin Tarantino flicks which always have that vengeful kickass character they've enacted several times in front of the mirror or you might as well smear red, white and black paint on your face and ask yourself  " Why the fuck so serious?"

Either way, you'll be back to where you started from.

The question I'm asking myself is, how do you deal with yourself at that moment? Bottle it all up inside somewhere or search for the most convenient outlet?

Disconnection. Most frequently.

I can't deal with it! When you have been soo close to a person, shared some of your best moments and memories at one point of time you cant really lie to yourself about the emotional distance you feel after it all.

In my case, there isn't any reason in particular besides the usual unreasonable and pointless fights. So what really happened? Nothing. Growing up happened. Egos happened. Boyfriends and girlfriends happened. Careers, well, I hope they eventually do happen. 

I made a few phone calls today. I said a few 'I miss you's today. I said many 'Thank you's today. 

Because in the back of my head I know that we may never be able to share times like that again but in the end, that is what makes it soo beautiful. The thought of it being mortal yet immortal.

                                         

I see him, talk to him, eat with him on most days and still feel a disconnection.Like we are mentally present in a different time and space. This feeling is unbearably disturbing sometimes and sometimes I don't bother and go back to being indifferent. How and Why? I can't put a finger on it. But this is how much I care for the bond and there isn't more that there is to it.

So this is it, this is me making the phone call I could've made earlier. I'm hoping the transmitter and receiver in question are free of any other unimportant engagements 'cause this is important. The media isn't microwaves, fiber optics, orbiting satellites, hydraulic semaphore systems or for that matter any other scientific term that I studied about in physics. It's beyond all this. 

So I've dialled the number now and luckily there is no surge of regret.Yet.

Okay.He's answered my call. Got to go.

Can I get back to you on this?! 

Or Maybe Not. 

:) ;)

P.S :                      "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."

Achilles to Briseis - Troy